"i have bruises on my hips that really really represent the exact marks of a guys hands from grabbing me and f*cking me from behind.... i thought me and you and your boyfriend were hanging out last night?"
"Dude i'm not sure who's apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal... "
"you tried to order a margarita mcflurry and when they said they didn't make those you tried to call 911."
" The brother of the girl I was getting a blow job off walked in on us. I didn't know what to do so i high-fived him!!!"