Forumet - jag är dålig

jag är dålig

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jag har ingen personlighet, ingen hunger, ingen kontrollerad vilja
jag är som tömd på magi
jag är ett öga, ett öra, en näsa, en mun och ett kretskort
jag måste ha magi
jag måste ha ett lugn och en nyfikenhet
det enda jag är nyfiken på i dagsläget är bekräftelse på att jag är bra
men även bekräftelse stillar föga mitt behov, då jag är som tömd på magi

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Why do some men cross-dress?

As with all the other psychological questions, this one has no definite answer. People will cross-dress simply because they feel the need, feel the urge to. Something in the brain tells them that dressing like the opposite gender will make everything better and will make the pain go away. The key, of course, is to delve deeper and find out where that pain is originating in the first place.

Several factors go into causing people to dress like someone completely unlike themselves. Cross-dressers aren't necessarily homosexual, but just people that desire to be the opposite sex. For instance, if a man dresses like a woman, it's because the man no longer wants to be the man, but wants a fresh start, a new existence. Becoming a woman on the outside may convince this man that he is a woman on the inside as well. Of course, this is impossible. Once a man, always a man, but it's the mental aspect of the situation that can convince this of a person.

Low self-esteem can be a major factor. People who cross-dress generally aren't happy with the way their life is going. Recent events may have made matters worse, to the point where they no longer want to be who they were born to be. They'd rather be someone else, take up an entirely different identity altogether. By cross-dressing, they can basically start a whole new life as a whole new person. They can experience everything from a different perspective (that is, the perspective of the opposite gender).

Men who cross-dress do so in an attempt to transform their lives. These are men that generally get little respect from friends, family and co-workers. They may be taunted, teased, mocked, ridiculed, and laughed at for the person they are. And what a shame that is.

I know the feeling. I had some low points in my life that brought two scenarios into my head: killing myself, or becoming somebody else. While there were indeed two times in my life I can remember wanting to seriously kill myself, I never did. Instead, I chose the second option, but went about it in a couple different ways. At first, I simply changed my attitude and my personality. I became someone everyone would love, but in that attempt, it only made people look at me as a stranger trapped in an average man's body.

Since that didn't work, I went out one night, after a long work day, and bought two dresses, a bra, some makeup, and a wig. I went home, put it all on, and transformed myself into a woman. Upon looking in the mirror, I saw my real self come out, or at least what I thought my real self was. I wasn't homosexual, I told myself - just in a state of deep denial and deep pain. I looked at myself, and saw a completely different person. I saw someone that people would like, that people would want to be around. I considered myself beautiful, and so I went out.

I wasn't embarrassed, nor was I ashamed of the way I looked. I felt comfortable with my body. I went to a bar and sat down at a table. I ordered myself a drink, and sat there lonely, waiting for a man to come my way. In a way, it was an experiment of my strength as a man, my endurance as a human being. I wanted to see if my life would be any different under a dress. But, as it turned out, nothing changed. And my feelings of a new-found freedom soon turned into the sad, depressing state I was in earlier that day.

To this day, I never cross-dressed again. I can't say I understand for sure why some men cross-dress. I guess they just want to feel better about themselves. They want to feel wanted, desired, important, and open with themselves and the world. That I can fully understand. Everyone just wants to feel loved. Everyone needs an identity. Everyone needs to feel like they make a difference in the world.
Ever since I can remember, I used to wish I was a girl. As a child I would wait for my parents to leave so I could wear my mother’s clothes, which was almost every time I was home alone. This continued into my teens and when I discovered masturbation. I would dress up and it would arouse me a lot and I would masturbate. I had a girlfriend once and sometimes I could only ejaculate during intercourse if I imagined myself as her. Later in life I discovered drugs, and started to alter my body on speed drugs (verified by a doctor) but it had some negative effects on my health.

I continued to do drugs as a 'feminine release' for years. Now that I have stopped doing drugs I feel empty inside because that release is gone. I still masturbate only to the thought of myself being female. The urge to become a girl is still there after ejaculation (with decreased libido) but not as prominent. I still cross-dress in private. I am masculine IRL and people don’t suspect much (besides my long hair). I am VERY envious of females it hurts a lot. Help!

där tänkte du inte riktigt färdigt va... du har dessutom lite ont om empati eller är ointresserad av att använda den
du behöver liksom inte skriva här om du inte har något bra att säga...

Empati är till för värdiga personer(inte värd det inkl mig), du har bara ingen ambition och det är något man bara kan hitta själv. Annars hade jag gjort minst 20 trådar i månaden.



Right back at you[wink]

det är ingen ambition i så fall elr inte din egen iaf. Ambition ger energi, kraft, "Magi"[party]

om jag typ vill bli musiker, det är mitt absolut största intresse... men jag är deprimerad/fördärvad till den nivå att jag inte kan ta mig dit så snabbt som jag annars hade kunnat, är det då inte en ambition fortfarande?