Well ok, I met this wonderful girl back in September 2006. She lived about 2 hours away from me. We spent EVERY single day talking either on the cellphone or on msn. I was also thinking about her all the time when I wasn't able to talk to her. I bet that in late 2006 and early 2007 I drove more than 30 times out of my way just to get to visit her. After a couple of months I really started to fall in love with her. It was very very deeply, unlike any type of feelings that I have ever felt. Probably my first love actually!
One day I finally told her how I felt. But I got the answer that was telling me that she didn't feel the same way about me. But that she really liked me as a friend very much. At the same time, just a couple of weeks after we first met she told me that she had met another guy. This guy still lives with his ex. She begun to tell me that she was in love with that guy but at the same time really cared about me and wanted me to be her friend. So I've frankly spent all this time still in love with her and going countless numbers of times out of my way just to spend time and hang out with her at her house. Alot of times I have been the "handkerchief" you know, the teddybear who can make an unhappy girl happy again. I've done so much for her that I actually could write a GIANT book about it. But not even ONCE did I ever get any type of affection or anything in return from her. At the same time, I just have to say it, this guy that she is in love with has not even done 15% of what I have done for her. Look, the guy still lives with his ex but even though she goes and meets him on a dirt road almost every weekends in a secluded area just to have sex with him. I've tried to tell her that he is probably just using her and if he really loved her he would leave his ex asap to be with her instead. When I tell her this she gets super pissed at me and her response is "it's complicated". So yeah.. now I definately know what it is like to love someone and have your heart ripped out and handed back to you.
My real problem is that I don't know how many times I have tried to end our "friendship" and walk away. She has really been hurting my feelings so bad and I feel like she was just using me but she would end up making me change my mind. Am I the biggest idiot on this planet or what? Especially since I still talk to her, just not as much nowdays as before. I just can't say "no" to her if she asks me to hang out with her. I guess that I'm sort of relying on the hope that she maybe one day will change her mind about me.. Love sucks..