Forumet - Tips för att träna sin självkänsla. (engelsk text)

Tips för att träna sin självkänsla. (engelsk text)

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How to Not Be Shy

Are you a shy person? Does the thought of conversation make your stomach turn? That's okay, everyone is a little shy. This article will help you overcome most, if not all of your shyness.
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[edit] Steps

1. Diagnose Your Level of Shyness. Are you so shy that you're petrified to talk to anyone? Or are you only shy around people you don't know? It may be beneficial to ask friends their opinions.
2. Consider: What Do You Want to Change and Why? Are you bothered by a lack of social skills, not knowing how to have superficial conversations, how to show your feelings, awkward pauses in conversations, and other practical problems? Or do you manage to come across normal and sociable enough, but wish you didn't feel uncomfortable and insecure? And ask yourself how much you really want to change. Not everyone is or needs to be extroverted, lively and wild. Don't compare yourself to people who are your total opposite, or tell yourself that you should be like them. This only makes you feel like you are different and alone, or even inferior, when in fact everyone is somewhere on a continuum of shyness or introversion.
3. Put Yourself Out There. This may seem obvious but the best way to meet people is to be in an environment where you can meet people. Go to the Fall Dance at your school and try to meet at least one person by the end of the night.
4. Be Approachable. Would somebody with a sour expression on their face or their head down on a desk make you eager to start talking to them? Not likely. Looking at your shoes will get you nowhere and possibly give people the impression you're stuck up. Try a small confident smile and look the person in the eyes.
5. Practice Talking. Even though this may sound strange, stand in front of a mirror or close your eyes and imagine yourself talking to someone. Feel free to talk out loud, despite anyone's looks.
6. Take "Small Steps." You can't rush yourself into anything - raising expectations too high will only make you more nervous and shy, and then you feel like a failure! Try to make progress in small, easily identifiable steps. This will give you something new to learn every time and you can be proud of every step you've taken. Keep doing things, like having conversations, that are a little scary or hard for you, but not too scary or too hard - this depends on your own level of shyness. As you get used to something, you can take the next step.
7. Focus Your Attention Outward, Not on Yourself. This is one of the most important aspects of shyness and social phobia - you probably don't do this on purpose, but you pay a lot of attention to yourself during conversations. This makes you feel self-aware and keeps you in a vicious cycle. In fact, this is part of the reason why some people experience panic attacks after relatively mild anxious moments. Rather than noticing that you are being shy or may have said something embarrassing, try to show interest in other people or the surroundings. You may feel like everyone is watching you, but people are not constantly judging you, it is only that you are doing this yourself. Others are busy doing their own things and talking etc., and are not out to get you.
8. Ask Your Friends to Introduce You to Their Friends. Meeting people is a great way to overcome shyness. Although that may sound scatter-brained, it really isn't.
9. Showcase Your Talents. For example, if you like art consider painting sets for a play. It will be easier to shine if you feel comfortable. On the other hand, don't be afraid to branch out and discover something new.
10. Make Sincere Compliments. No need to be over the top. Some of the greatest conversations started with "I like your shirt. Did you get it at (store name)?"
11. Practice. It makes perfect, doesn't it?


[edit] Changing Your Shy Looks

* Take a moment to look at yourself. Are you the kind of person who wears dark colors, always has a hood up, or wears dark make-up? In addition to making some people wary of you, this makes you very unapproachable.
* Wear brighter clothes. Brighten up your wardrobe. Go from wearing blacks, reds, and blues to wearing greens, yellows and oranges. Pastels will give you a certain glow.
* Wear brighter make-up. You'd be surprised by how much this helps your appearance, and will get more people talking to you.


[edit] Tips

* The support of your friends is really important here. Having them introduce you to more people and just having them to fall back on is really nice to look forward to.


[edit] Warnings

* Overcoming your shyness is a big undertaking. Do not expect to be shy one day, and totally outspoken the next. It doesn't work like that. Have patience, and remember, "Rome wasn't built in a day."
* When talking in your "boisterous voice" don't be extremely loud. You may give someone the wrong impression or come across as obnoxious.