Forumet - varsågod å kritisera

varsågod å kritisera

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Have you ever sailed the ocean with the wind catching your hair?
Have you ever seen the sunlight dance upon the waves?
If you come along with me,
i'll show you what life can be
We will sail the seven seas
we will catch the morning breeze
and from the middle of the night to the dawn of the day
with our crimson cloaks in the wind we'll dance the night away.

I'll show you the hazel wood, the magic neighbourhood
There the goblin queen will lend you her sparkling crystal crown, let you borrow her trone and the bejewelled gown.
We will sit there, me and you
as one hundred nightingales sing a catchy tune.

As you dance to the melody you might drop the crystal crown
It will turn into splinters
but our love it will remain
If you only wouldn't me disdain.

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Den var inte bra. Jag gillar inte såna där löjliga "poetiska" beskrivningar typ, "i'll show you what life can be
We will sail the seven seas
we will catch the morning breeze".

Bättre att skriva REALISTISKT. Alltså... sånt man faktiskt gör. Vem seglar på de sju haven, egentligen? Eller "fångar morgonvinden"?
Det är klyschigt.