Maymay: Vänsterpartiet, Liberalerna, Centerpartiet, Annie Lööf, Stefan Löfven.Så vi kör med kopieringspastor nu?
My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.
Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"?
I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.
Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.
Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.
"Wtf is a poop knife?"
Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.
He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML.
I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.
She will be getting her own utility knife now.
[Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.
123fendas:Please no more
Så vi kör med kopieringspastor nu?
Just me and my daddy, hanging out I got pretty hungry so I started to pout He asked if I was down ⬇for something yummy and I asked what and he said he'd give me his cummies! Yeah! Yeah! I drink them! I slurp them! I swallow them whole It makes daddy happy so it's my only goal... Harder daddy! Harder daddy! 1 cummy, 2 cummy, 3 cummy, 4 I'm daddy's princess but I'm also a whore! He makes me feel squishy!He makes me feel good! He makes me feel everything a little should!~ Wa-What!
det verkar som att ungdomar.se inte tillåter emoji, så jag behövde ta bort dem
Maymay:Daddy’s cummies, nice and yummy Thick and gooey, feel like honey That sweet milk, oh-so-tasty Daddy, Daddy, please be hasty! My tongue swirls round and round While Daddy gives my ass a great big pound Over in the corner, wrapped in chains Mommy huddled over, screaming in pain “Shut up, bitch! Stay on the floor!” Mommy sobbing louder, I call her a whore She reaches behind her for her gun While Daddy gropes and tickles my sweet buns Puts the barrel between her teeth And Daddy’s semen begins to seep Gunpowder, blood, brains and gore Mommy’s lifeless corpse slumps to the floor Cummies, cummies filling my throat My pussy is completely soaked But Daddy’s cock just gets bigger Over near the drawers, he grabs the scissors Cuts a hole in Mommy’s stomach In her hand, a gin and tonic He begins to unravel her strings of intestines “Look closely, you’ll learn a lesson” Ties a noose, rigs it tight “Sweetie, sweetie, no need to fight” Puts her guts around my neck “Looks like everything’s good and set” Lets me fall down about a yard Face turning blue, choking hard All the while, Daddy’s stroking his cock And for a moment, our eyes lock Tears of joy stream down my face I’m going to a better place~
Please no more